Thursday, February 27, 2014

When am I Going to Grow Up?

I fell of the blogging wagon hard this week.

This always happens when I'm sponsoring someone. Maybe it's just too much pressure for me to handle?

Anyway. Today's blog post is brought to you by random conversations with my friends. Yesterday I was chatting with Whitney. HER Whitney not me Whitney, because this could quickly devolve if you all thought I was talking to myself. Anyway, we were talking about bloggers that we admire. How beautiful their pictures were, or how they'd found success with a particular venture and I found myself saying:

I want to be like that. I want to be 'with it', 'together'. When am I going to GROW UP?

Was I a little jealous maybe? Sure! But that wasn't the only thing driving my random outburst.

I don't FEEL like a grown up.

Sure, I appear to be one. I go to work everyday, I pay my bills, most tellingly I am responsible for a tiny human. That said though I don't feel grown up. I don't feel like...like I thought I would as an adult. I'm not sure I have a calling. A thing. A look. When I talk about certain people we say 'oh that's so Christina' or 'Oh that's such a Rachel thing', or 'what a Lauren look'. I don't feel like I have those things. Or maybe I do and I don't realize it?

I'm just....28 years old and I don't FEEL, like I'm almost 30. I know I am. I know that I am 18 months away from that big birthday and I am fine with it. I'm totally ok with being the age I am. I just...well I assumed this age would feel different. More settled. More...well more something.

When am I going to feel 'with it'? When am I going to have a 'thing'? Or have I just had misconceptions of adulthood all along, and really all those 'growups' I admire and aspire to be like don't feel anymore grown than I do?

12 comments:

JumpingJE said...

Something I'm doing to try to get over this wall is find something I'm undeniably passionate about. Sure I have hobbies, but nothing that touches my soul like I think I need at this point in my life. Wishing you luck, you're on the right track by realizing and communicating how you feel!

Pink Pamalamma said...

Same here. I'll be 31 this year and I still don't really feel grown up!

Alisha @ The Alisha Nicole said...

I honestly dont ever want to feel like an adult..im afraid that I will immediately stop wanting it do all of the things I love because i "think" im too old...you def still have time!

Misty C. said...

I'm going to be 35 in April. I have two kids. I still don't feel like a grown up. And I think I'm ok with it.

Ashley said...

Ill be 30 this year and I'm partially dreading it. Mainly for this reason I feel like it should feel different. But it doesn't. I don't heal as fast but over all I feel the same as I did at 20.

EverythingDK said...

YES YES YES!!!! I'm not alone!!! I wonder this all the time!!!

Rachel Murphree said...

I feel like all "grown ups" wonder when they'll grow up, or have it together. I definitely don't!

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

This is a daily struggle of mine... you aren't alone!

LG @ thelaurelgazette.com said...

the funny thing is that I think of you as totally having your act together! but i get it, because i feel like i measure myself against totally different standards than other people hold me to. like maybe someone will think i have my act together but its not in the way i WANT to have my act together. but i don't even know what that is. its frustrating, i agree. i spin my wheels so hard and so long and nothing ever seems to get any clearer. i absolutely had major misconceptions about adulthood!!!

Setarra said...

I took an age test a couple weeks ago that said my "true age" was 21 even tho I'm 26 (will be 27 in april). And you know what? I think the test was pretty on point because even tho I'm pretty responsible and mature in most cases, I still do act like I'm 21 in a lot of other moments lol. It's not necessarily a bad or good thing. It is what it is.

MarlaJan said...

I have to be honest.. And not that I'm so much older and wiser at 32. But, I don't know if anyone ever truly, honestly has that "I've got my act together" feeling. Maybe they put on a good show, but I guarantee, everyone has their doubts.

Tiffany @ Polka Dotted Cats said...

Those grownups are not even real life, I swear. I think it is more "real" to not have your act together and not have everything be perfect! Okay, now I sound like a hot mess. But really, no one can have a perfectly polished life all of the time. We need to be a mess to make those polished moments more meaningful!