Friday, March 29, 2013

I remember why I love blogging....


This week has restored my blogging faith/love/mojo you name it.

It started a little rough with some fall out from Blissdom.....and then it just got magical.

I posted about my dinner experience on Wednesday. I wrote that post Tuesday night as soon as I got home and I stared at the publish button FOREVER. I contemplated just leaving it a draft. I wondered is this the 'me' my readers want to see? Do they just want the light funny stuff about Boomer? Or beauty posts? Link ups? How about this scary thought....the majority of you, my followers, are White. If I post about my experience as a Black/biracial woman will you get it? Will you care? Will you ignore it?

I published it anyway. I've written my whole life. Journals, articles, papers, blurbs. I've always been the most honest in my writing. The most unafraid. In my core I am a lover of the written word. I love to read the expressions of others and share my own. So I did.

Then you all made me remember why I love this medium. Not only did you care, but you talked about it. You shared it. You commented on the blog, Facebook, twitter and some of you literally made me cry. You told me that I made you think. You told me about similar experiences. I felt so engaged with you all because I was my real authentic self, not in spite of it.

Then yesterday Christina posted this piece on her blog. I commented and then kind of forgot about it. I then saw this tweet love between two of my favorite bloggers and I posted a screen cap of it on Instagram.

I love seeing women support each other and build each other up. To see it between two of my blog crushes just made me have even more warm fuzzies. I decided to check out what Vhani's comment actually was, and then I was blown away again.

Christina's comment section had become a full on discussion, and it was amazing. There were all these smart, articulate ladies sharing their ideas in this mini forum. They did not all agree by any means, but there they were putting there thoughts out for the world. Having discussion without being hateful. Without being 'trolls'.


Connection. Sharing. Growth. Thought.

I want to be challenged and provoked. I want to challenge and provoke. I want to share my stories and reach out to the people that touch me.

I want to extend out of my bubble. Yes, I'm a mommy/lifestyle blogger. Vhani is a fashion blogger and so is Christina. They also blog about their lives and experiences. That doesn't mean that I can't learn something from them, or vice versa because we are in two 'different' blogging communities. Whitney is a childless, lifestyle blogger. She doesn't have or want kids right now. She still reads my posts about my struggles with becoming a single parent. I'm divorcing now, I haven't stopped reading all the happily married bloggers. My IRL best friend Michael is a globe trotting photographer and because I read his blog, I've met other amazing bloggers, artists and people that are WAY outside of my circle. I think I'm better for that. His blog has also encouraged me back to my love of music and the experience that comes along with not only seeing live music, but creating my own.

All these blogs and the writers behind them are different. Some of us believe different things. Some are conservative. Some are liberal. Some of them can afford Louboutin's and some can afford ramen. I'm getting something from EVERY SINGLE ONE. I go back and read their posts because I get something there. Whether its a laugh, or a recipe, an outfit inspiration, or thoughts on parenting. There are amazing girls right here in Columbus that I would have NEVER known had I not started this space almost 2 years ago. (I know that's a lot of links, but you should check them all out when you have time.)

With all the mess in my own personal life it's been hard to blog. Its been hard to engage. I don't want to comment. I don't want to write. Sometimes I barely make it through my day successfully. It requires every bit of mental strength just to do the basic everyday for Boomer and I. However in the past 3 days, I feel like I've almost been reawakened. I know that seems silly. A few good posts and suddenly I feel alive again? But I do. I feel like I have something to say. I have something to contribute.

I'm not saying I'm fixed/cured. Or that I'm suddenly going to become the happiest and most prolific blogger in the world. But I remember why this space was so important to me. Why I created it.

So this is the longest thank you letter I've ever written. Thank you for reading. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing. Thank you.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Throwback Thurday? Why not....

Hey Lovelies!

So I'm not really a fan of Instagram's famous #tbt. I bitch about how annoying it is to friends every week.

Then Boomer was walking around this morning with this picture and I felt like I just had to join in on the blogging version Misty (who I LOVE) tweeted about last night and well, I need to blog more.

This is me.....almost exactly 10 years ago at my senior prom. Yes....frequent readers and IG followers I did wear that very same dress to the Halloween party I attended a few months ago.

Its pretty shallow, but I have to say I feel like I'm winning at life that I can still wear the dress. Also winning because in the first photo my dress was MAJORLY stuffed in the front, and quite a bit looser in the back end.

I mean stuffed to the point that the guy I dated for most of that year came up to me at one point during prom and asked. 'What is going on with your chest Whit?'

Let the record show that he and I are actually still VERY good friends, and we actually went to the Halloween party together. He redeemed himself by saying as soon as he saw me 'I like that dress MUCH better now. You look.....womanly....yeah.'

I mean he's a guy, so its not like he's going to say something all that eloquent or well put together.

I also wore this dress to a banquet in college so I feel like Momma Boom got her money's worth for sure!

I look at the girl in that photo and there is so much I'd like to tell her.

Like the guy you spend 3 years mooning over in high school will never grow up, he's 30 now and still a douche lord. You dodged a major bullet hon.

Also you are going to go into A LOT of debt because of college. You should have stayed in Ohio and gone to an in-state school. College experience my ass.

You are going to live the next 10 years of your life backwards and in fast forward. Within 3 years of this picture you will be a wife and a mom. Then you'll just be a mom. And this is all going to be OK.

Some of the people that are SO important to you now, will not matter in 6 months. Some of them, guy who questions your chest a prom, will continue to be wonderful supportive friends forever. They will show up to baby showers, listen to you cry over the end of your marriage, and be some of the most awesome people ever.

You have a lot of crazy, silly, misguided ideas about life and love. You need to snap out of it chick. And you will.

You will change in so many ways, and in so many other's you will always be who you are now.

Right now, you are awkward and unsure of yourself. You didn't even really plan your life past 18. You will hit 27 and be so in love with yourself. You will realize that the people that tried to tear you apart in high school are miserable people that need more counseling than a lifetime of psychotherapy can provide. You will make mistakes, learn and grow from them. You will gain friends, you will lose some. You will learn to appreciate your mother. A lot. You will no longer think of your 30s as some sort of mid life pit. You will be so looking forward to the next 10.

And if this dress still fits me at 38.....well bitches we're having a party.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

When did you learn how to hate?

I would like to come back from my blog hiatus with something light and funny.

Maybe a post about what the trends for spring are....

Perhaps another Sh*t Boomer Says post for mommy confessions. I'm still linking up today because I need to share this and its a confession of sorts.

Something happened to me last night though that is weighing heavy on my mind. In my off line life I've always written about things that matter to me, things that effect me, and my real thoughts and feelings. Why should my blog be any different?

When did you figure out you weren't the same as everyone around you?

For Boomer it was right around 3/4 years old. She was drawing picture of her friend and had laid out different colors of crayons. She asked me to read her the names of the colors.

'Oh Momma! Mason is peach, and I'm tan, and I want to make Chris burnt sienna, and my teacher is apricot.'

She realized that yes, she and all her friends were different colors, but she was excited about all the varying shades of brown, tan, and peach.

She's almost 7 years old and still refers to Caucasian people as 'peach.'

Last night we went out to dinner with my mom. As Boomer and I sat down I noticed the couple across from us shooting disgusted looks our way. I brushed it off. I used to give people with children a similar eye roll I'm sure. No one wants to be seated next to a screaming kid, throwing their vegetables all over the floor. I know my daughter is well behaved, and often charms those seated around her with her quick wit, humor, and sweet nature so I wasn't worried at all.

Then my mother came to the table from the restroom, where she had stopped first, and she also received the same disgusted look. My heart sank a little. I knew now the woman had no issue with the fact that there was a child at the table, but merely with the fact that she was seated near us.

The looks continued throughout dinner. Boomer was her sweet, generally well behaved self, and there were several other children in the dining room, as this is a family restaurant. None of those tables got any of the dirty looks that we did.

Finally it was time for us to leave. We collected our things and I helped Boomer with her coat. Then I heard the woman, clearly and loudly say 'Oh thank God, they're going.'

In 10 seconds my emotions ran the gamut. I was enraged, I was hurt, I felt sorry FOR HER, and fiercely protective of my child. I ushered Boomer quickly to the check out and I knew my mother was behind me. When we had rounded the corner I asked my mom if she had heard what the woman said? She hadn't so I repeated it.

Now you all should know something about my mother. While she is the epitome of a lady, she is not one to take anything lying down. I remember an instance when I was little where we were followed around a store by SEVERAL store clerks. My mother in her very polite and well spoken way, explained to me loudly enough that not only those clerks but the other patrons of the store could hear, that some people automatically assume that simply because of the color of your skin you're a criminal. She then went to the manager of the store and explained that she had planned to spend a great deal of money on my back to school shopping that day, but that she would now be taking her purchase elsewhere because, 'my dollars are the same shade of green as everyone else's.' (This was not the first, or last time something like this would happen.)

After I repeated what the woman had said, my mother just shook her head. I told the cashier what had happened and she was appalled. She apologized and I told her it wasn't her fault at all. She said 'Its a shame that some people just don't have manners.'

When we got in the car, Boomer asked me, 'Why didn't that lady like us? Is it because we're brown and she's peach?"

"Yes, baby something like that."

"But mommy, I have lots of friends that are that color. Gran Gran is that color."

"I know. Not everyone feels the way that she does, but some people do"

I had to stop and get gas and when I peaked in the car I noticed that my mom and Boomer were praying. Mom later told me that they were praying for the woman in the restaurant.

I'm glad that my mom is around to have those teachable moments with Boomer.

I'm at a loss though. How do you explain to a 6 year old that the rules are different for her because of how she looks? That people will assume she is a thief in a store simply because she is 'tan'. That she has to be careful of how she carries herself in certain situations lest she be considered an 'angry black woman'.

I remember when I was a sophomore in high school (2001), one of my class mates tried to convince me that racism didn't exist anymore. I invited him to go shopping with me.

Then following the election of Barack Obama, a girl friend of mine who is Caucasian told me 'Look Whit, we don't have a race issue in America anymore!' I showed her this.

Then I showed her this.

Yes......clearly race is no longer an issue.

Then I get angry with my own 'people'. What the hell is wrong with you that you perpetuate every possible negative stereotype about black people. Pull your pants up! Get an education! Take care of your children! Hold yourself accountable! Stop blaming 'the man' for your problems and take some ownership of them! Our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents worked SO HARD for us to have the opportunities we now take for granted. I think its safe to say that so many of them would be ashamed of the way the community is today.

I'm sure this post has made some of you uncomfortable. Or has upset you. Good. When it happened I was uncomfortable and upset. I don't want Boomer to learn hate when things like this happen to her. At the same time I wonder when that woman and her husband learned to hate. Because it is absolutely something we learn. If you put a toddlers in a room together they all play happily. They don't care that Bobby is White, and Mellisa is Asian, or that Shelly is Black, and Al is Middle Eastern. We LEARN to hate one another. Be so careful what you are teaching.

Link up with our hosts Heather and Megan

Monday, March 11, 2013

I'm not a playa....I just crush alot

Hey Lovelies!

And hello new lovelies! (Seriously there are a lot of new people popping up. Feel free to say HI! and introduce yourself. I love my followers.)

Anyway....usually I'd be linking up with my love Sami to tell you all about my weekend. My weekend was boring as hell. So I'll spare you all, and instead be super late to the blog crush party and link up with Erin.

First we have to talk about this girl!

Image Via

Its Whitney, from I Wore Yoga Pants to Work.

We share a name, a love of white wine, and back that azz up Fridays (late 90s early 2000s hip hop and R&B). We're also Leos (Duh....that splains a lot) I'm not sure exactly how we found each other, but after a series of awesome comments, tweets, and emails, I've gotten to know a lot about her over the past few months. I can honestly say there must be a blate in the future, because I'm pretty sure she is the kind of chick I would have an amazing weekend with. We also recently discovered we share the same birthday. We are exactly a year apart (I'm older, so that nixes our separated at birth theory.)

 Then there is the lovely V (Vahni) of Grit and Glamour.

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This was one of the first blogs I started reading, and I read through her entire archive in one weekend. She also did me the honor of following my blog when I was a newbie. (Like 5 followers!) She has such a distinctive voice, and style. I'll find myself looking at a press release for a designer, or their newest look book and either thinking V would wear that, or I know she'll have something to say about this, and then a few days later there is is up on her site. I guess if I was giving her a title she would be blogger I most want to be like when I grow up. I want someone to be able to look at something and say 'Oh that's a Whitney piece.'

This next girl I found from a tweet of V's.

Its Christina of Profresh Style.

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Yes, she too is a fashion blogger, but this girl keeps it real about EVERYTHING! She talks about dating, life in the city not being as glamorous and easy as we may think, food (seriously drool worthy pictures), and of course blogging and the community of bloggers. I find her refreshing and humorous and I would steal her closet if I could. And she's gorgeous. Doesn't hurt.

These ladies are my recent crushes, and I've so enjoyed learning about new blogs through all of your posts linked up with Erin! Anyone else I should be reading? Leave a comment and let me know!