Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Mommy Confessions : Sh*t Boomer Says Vol 2

Hello Lovelies!

Today I'm linking up with Heather and Megan for another Mommy Confessions!

Back by popular demand, and by popular I mean Whitters, its Sh*t Boomer Says!

We went to her school's pool party on Sunday night and that provided me with quite a few gems:

*After I got my suit on*

Bommer: Mommy you look preg-a-nent!
Me: Gee thanks kiddo

*About an hour later when we went to the potty*

Boomer: Now that I saw the other mommy's, you look pretty good mommy.
Me: *with no sarcasm this time* Thanks kiddo!

*While riding in the car a commercial came on for Match.com*

Boomer: Mommy you're single right?
Me: .....ummm, yes....
Boomer: You should do that mommy. You should do that match thingy.
Me: Ok sweetie
Boomer: No really. While you're still young and look pretty or whatever.

*While at a Mexican restaurant for dinner*

Boomer: Mommy do you speak Mexican?
Me: *facepalm* Spanish! Boomer Mexican people speak Spanish!
Boomer: Oh. Well do you speak that?
Me: A little.
Boomer: Ok. What does 'dodo lemama doe' mean?
Me: o_O

*At the grocery store*

Me: We need to stop at the pharmacy before we leave ok?
Boomer: *in a not indoor voice* To get your not preg-a-nent pills?!?!
Me: Shhh...yes.
Boomer: *Still not in an indoor voice* But you can only get preg-a-nent if you lay down in bed with a boy right?!?!?!
Me: OMG we will talk about this at home! Shhhh!
Boomer: Mommy you only lay down in bed with Jack (the cat) so you can't be preg-a-nent right?!?!?
Me: Boomer (actually at this point we were at FULL NAME status), we will discuss this at home.
Boomer: I'm just saying you're not preg-a-nent, so whadya need the pills for?
Me: Please stop.
Boomer: Ok, can I have some chocolate?

Clearly my kid is preoccupied with mommy bringing another life into the world, and my dating life. I told her not to worry about either, and she asked for chocolate again. At least she's easily distracted. 

Monday, January 28, 2013

Weekend Update: I did a lot of nothing....and then a lot.

Hello Lovelies!

I'm linking up with my love Sami for another Weekend Update.

Friday night I did a whole lot of nothing with Boomer. Then I caught up on many many episodes of Lost Girl. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with the paranormal.

Saturday I woke up, and something was just off. I spent literally my whole day in bed. Crazy Migraine then turned into hot and cold flashes, body aches, and then a whole lotta prayin to the porcelain god. Boomer and Jack took great care of me and each other though. Nothing like puking your guts out with a cat sniffing it, and a 6 year old asking you who she should call.

Sunday I managed to pull myself together for breakfast with Boomer, and then a whole lot of chillin' on the couch. I knew that her school's PTO was having a pool party, and I'd bought tickets and said we'd go, so I needed to get healthy enough for that.

Jack helping to heal me!

After holding my hand, he decided to give me a bath.

We made a quick stop by Mimi's house to grab some beach towels, and we were off to the Westerville Rec Center.

Let me just quickly explain to you that getting into a bathing suit in January is my version of hell.

Getting into said bathing suit, with 200 children is my worse version of hell. I love my child. I like my friends children. I like well behaved children. All other children, especially those I cannot discipline, I cannot stand. Ugh....in a pool with a million other loosely supervised children. God help me. Especially when I see said children attempting to push each other under the water out of malice, or pushing my kid out of the way. Help me Jesus.

I made it quite clear to Boomer, that unless she was going down the slide she needed to stay by me at ALL times. Momma can't be going to jail.

Boomer and I had quite a fun time the two of us. Its actually a pretty cool set up. There is a lazy river, fountains, a small kid area, and this really cool whirl pool thing. Under different circumstances I'm sure I would have enjoyed it even more.

After we dried off from our pool time Boomer and I headed to Target. A.K.A., mommy's happy place. I told Boomer it was my treat for taking her to the pool party. And ya'll. Target did me right.

I got these puppies, for less than $10!!!!!!

And because they were so cheap I picked up these too!

And then I picked up this play pretty for less that $9!!!!!!!!!!!!

If any of my fellow Columbus bloggers are looking for a GREAT deal, head up to the Polaris Target. Apparently they are remodeling and had to push up all their clearance markdowns. I mean, these prices were unreal.

We also picked up a new booster seat Boomer. I've been in denial that she is big enough for one, but Momma Boom dropped the hint when we were over there and she showed me the one she bought for Boomer.  So I caved. Boomer actually has identical ones now.

Well that's my weekend peeps. What were you guys up to?

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

If I were a boy......

......even just for a day....

Ok..sorry. Couldn't help it.

Today I'm linking up with Erin from Living in Yellow to tell you all about if I were a boy....

*Disclaimer* Some of my answers are gonna be inappropriate. So deal.

If I were a boy, I'd write my name in the snow with my pee. Yes this is juvenile and immature, but this is what I would do. Not to say that I can't do it now, but it would be really involved. We're talking public waist down nudity involved and I'm not trying to go to jail. You can be topless in public in the great city of Columbus, but bottomless is frowned upon. If I were a boy, I could just whip that sucker out and write my name. 30 seconds tops.

Image Via

If I were a boy, no one would have a problem with me chopping this all off.

This picture is 2 years old....my hair now reaches my belt!
In fact unless I was this guy, everyone would be begging me to cut this shiz off.

Image Via

If I were a boy,  when my daughter was the right age. I'd take her out on a series of dates so she would know exactly what to expect from future suitors, and which to show the door. Heck, I might do this anyway.

If I were a boy, there would be a lot more pictures of me doing this.

When you let your sick child take a pic of you....

If I were a boy, I would be less likely to have my college degree.

If I were a boy, the likelihood of me being in jail would be 6 times that of my white counterparts.

If I were a boy, and I didn't attend college the likelihood of me being in jail increases 21%

If I were a boy, I would be at risk for HIV at a rate 8 times higher than my white friends. (Those rates aren't great for women either.)

*These statistics are from a Pittsburgh Gazette article and may have changed in recent years.

Sometimes I just have to throw in a little realness to this here blog.

And now because everyone probably has that Beyonce song stuck in their head, I will leave you with my favorite cross gender anthem.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Facts of Whitney

Hey Lovelies!

Today I'm linking up with my fabulous name twin Whitney who writes at I Wore Yoga Pants to Work. If you don't read/follow her blog....well why don't you? She's hilarious.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to tell you all some fab facts about me!

(A few of you dear, dear followers have slipped away since the beginning of the year, and I know I've been a bad blogger. Hopefully this post will help you get to know me a bit better...and stick around awhile.)

So basic facts.

Name: Whitney
Age: I'm.......27 (shhhh don't tell, I mean no one will believe you anyway...I get carded at the movies)
Height: 5'8"
Weight: None a yer darn bidness

Okay factoid numero uno: I've never broken a bone. Nope. Not a one

We are however pretty sure that I chipped my coccyx bone.

Yep. I chipped my ass. And I'll leave it to you to figure out the pronunciation of Coccyx.....its as funny as you think.

I fell down a flight of concrete steel capped steps, and....well I chipped my ass. It hurt a lot.

To make matters worse, no one believed me. 'Oh well, you fell down some stairs Whit, you're fine.'

Then my butt got all black and blue and bruisy and my mom was all like 'Oooooh snap, something is wrong!'

To make matters even worser (I am aware that's not a word), according to evolutionists, my coccyx, is the remnant of a tail we used to have. Great.

Factoid Number 2: I'm adopted.

Yeppers. My parents brought me home when I was 7 weeks old. Out of respect for Momma Boom's desire to not be featured on this here bloggy, and my father's lack of knowledge of the existence of this here bloggy I will leave out any cute baby picture of the two of them bringing me home.

I stayed in foster care for 7 weeks with the most amazing family. I was their first foster child and they took amazing care of me. We're talking down to detailed feeding notes. What time I ate, what I ate, and how much. I'm still in contact with them to this day. Oh, and for those first 7 weeks my name was Victoria!

Fact 3: I'm an only child.


I am my Momma Boom and Daddy Boom's only child together. And I have never lived with any siblings.

However I do have two older biological siblings that I know of. (Belonging to birth mom) I have a step brother and step sister, and a half brother.

Fact 4: I didn't celebrate my 21st Birthday

Well not the way most normal red blooded Americans do anyway.

Because 8 weeks prior to said momentous birthday, I gave birth to Boomer. So I had a grilled cheese at Cheesecake Factory, and totally nursed her right there at the table.

Fact 5: I'm a member of the Tribe

Yep courtesy of my biological mother (because you trace your lineage from your momma), I am Jewish. Hence I will make reference to my Jew fro (which is arguably my black fro too), we celebrate the holidays, and I love me some Challa and latkes (tho weirdly only with applesauce). Momma Boom has always been very cool about teaching me where I came from. Which included a strange foray into Irish Dancing.....

Fact 6: I'm always singing

From the time I was old enough to make musical sounds strung together, i.e. the crib, I have been a singer. I sang in children's choirs, for church, school choirs, you name it. I was a vocal performance minor in college. I sing along with the radio, which drives my mother NUTS, I sing stuff I make up while I clean the house, which drives Boomer NUTS. Even if I'm not singing, I'm probably singing in my head. In five part harmony.

Fact 7: Whitney and I are twins.....no really.

Ok so technically Whitney is white....and I'm only half, but we're totally twins.

See we're both named Whitney. Which is awesome. Its the best name ever.

We are both Leo's. Which...well....explains a lot if you know about Leos.

We both share a love of reality TV, and hope to star in one. Maybe we should pitch a separated at birth story???

We also really love wine. Specifically white.

I would also like to think that Whitney and I are that inappropriate friend. I mean we obviously know how to conduct ourselves in public, and how to hold down a job. But we are likely to be that friend you have that just says exactly what's on our mind, and can always make you laugh by saying that thing in the situation that EVERYONE is thinking, but that no one will say out loud. We will also discuss bodily functions, what happened that last time you got really drunk, and the dirtiest joke and or story we can come up with. And that, is why you love us.

Unfortunately that's all I've got for today because it's apparently too cold in Columbus for the internet to work. Poop.

Can't wait to troll around and read all of your facts!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Mommy Confessions: I'm tired of being 'The Heavy'

Hello Lovelies!

So it's been awhile. Sorry.

Today's confession is this....

I'm so tired of being the bad guy. I know Boomer is having a hard time with everything. But good grief.

I'm the one constantly being told, 'I hate you!', 'You're the worst mommy ever!'.

I'm the one dealing with crying, yelling, outright defiance, anger, and sadness.

And on top of all that of course I'm dealing with my own stress. I know that I'm the adult here. I'm supposedly better equipped to deal with my emotions. Or its just not socially acceptable for a 27 year old woman to throw a tantrum in public. Really its not socially acceptable for a six year old either, but try telling Boomer that.

I feel like I owe my mother a HUGE apology. I was the same age as Boomer when my parents divorced, and I had this theory that 'the squeaky wheel gets the oil.' So oh boy did I squeak to get my father's attention. Not only did it NOT work, but it made my relationship with my mother strained and awful. Especially the teen years. Woof. I almost don't like that girl. I was mouthy, angry, and would just not do homework for weeks. Fortunately I went to a private school with VERY understanding teachers, and I also got my act together. But....yeah mom...so sorry. (I've actually apologized to her IRL, cuz Momma Boom isn't a BIG blog reader. She stops by here when I specifically ask her too.)

There are good days, and there are bad days, but I'm so over being the 'bad guy'!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Friday's Letters Vol 7

Hello Lovelies!

Longtime no blog, but I'm working on it.

Dear 2012-

You were an amazing amazing year filled with ups and downs. I finished college (OK so technically it was in Dec 2011, but I like to roll it into you), I got my first big girl job in the industry I was dreaming for, Boomer graduated from kindergarten and started first grade (YIKES). We also got a new love in our home by way of Jack.

You were also a year of great change. I put on the big girl panties, and walked away from something that was broken. Its sad, its hard, and its still not over, but I feel in my heart I did the best thing for Boomer and I.

Dear Blog-

Because of all that change I was talking about, I literally burned myself out. I'm sorry, because we are on such a roll. Did you see your page-views and follower count! You go little bloggy.

Dear Little Brother-

OK....so really you're my cousin, but we just decided to be siblings. Its cool. I'm very excited to see you tonight. I'm really sorry that it is so cold here. I mean its Ohio....so I don't really know what to tell you. This is how shiz is in January.

Dear Boomer-

Girl you have no front teeth! (Yes I will be posting pictures of this awesomeness soon)
You are the most amazing part of my WHOLE WORLD. You are funny, kind, smart, and one kick butt kiddo.

Dear Blog friends-

I love your tweets, emails, and posts. I think its very cool that I have friends all over the country and world. People I would never know without these here blogs. You encourage me, make me laugh, and have the most adorable Christmas cards. Thank you all for sharing your lives, and reading my blog too.

Dear Self-

Its ok. Everything is going to be ok. You are doing a good job, it seems like the plates are going to crash, but they won't. Just keep spinning them.