This always happens when I'm sponsoring someone. Maybe it's just too much pressure for me to handle?
Anyway. Today's blog post is brought to you by random conversations with my friends. Yesterday I was chatting with Whitney. HER Whitney not me Whitney, because this could quickly devolve if you all thought I was talking to myself. Anyway, we were talking about bloggers that we admire. How beautiful their pictures were, or how they'd found success with a particular venture and I found myself saying:
I want to be like that. I want to be 'with it', 'together'. When am I going to GROW UP?
Was I a little jealous maybe? Sure! But that wasn't the only thing driving my random outburst.
I don't FEEL like a grown up.
Sure, I appear to be one. I go to work everyday, I pay my bills, most tellingly I am responsible for a tiny human. That said though I don't feel grown up. I don't feel like...like I thought I would as an adult. I'm not sure I have a calling. A thing. A look. When I talk about certain people we say 'oh that's so Christina' or 'Oh that's such a Rachel thing', or 'what a Lauren look'. I don't feel like I have those things. Or maybe I do and I don't realize it?
I'm just....28 years old and I don't FEEL, like I'm almost 30. I know I am. I know that I am 18 months away from that big birthday and I am fine with it. I'm totally ok with being the age I am. I just...well I assumed this age would feel different. More settled. More...well more something.
When am I going to feel 'with it'? When am I going to have a 'thing'? Or have I just had misconceptions of adulthood all along, and really all those 'growups' I admire and aspire to be like don't feel anymore grown than I do?