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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Are you a Bully?

Hey Lovelies!

Earlier this week Lindsay who writes From Nanny to Family wrote this post. I was bothered and upset for her. You see I had the pleasure of meeting Lindsay at the Ohio Blogger Meet up this summer. We actually sat together so I talked to her more than many of the other ladies there. She is an absolutely sweet genuine person, and she lays it out there just like it is, much like I do. I was immediately drawn to her. When I made my little announcement she was one of the first people to reach out to me with kind words and sympathy. So it irked me a bit that she was being talked about in such a way.

That being said I've been on GOMI too. I've read the mean spirited threads about some of my other favorites too. The Bargain Blonde, Pink Lou Lou, Raven, Sydney from the Daybook, all of these women are talked about and judged by other women who don't really know them.

It brings to mind a song that was out a few years ago, 'High School Never Ends.'

See I was bullied in high school, badly. Not only at school, but at my church as well. People try and justify things by saying oh well that kid is weird, or their over-weight, or socially awkward. That's not the case. I was athletic, I had plenty of friends, guys liked me. I was still bullied. There were vicious rumors spread at my church about me being promiscuous. (My personal favorite was that I had slept with someone in the baptismal pool.)  I was teased for wanting to be a white girl because I didn't act or talk in a certain way. I was teased for being smart. I was teased about my body shape. I was teased because my hair was curly, I was also teased for wearing it straight and 'thinking I was all that'. I was teased for being dressed conservatively by my mom, but at the same time vilified for being a flirt. (Because I figured out the boys didn't have cooties before the rest of the girls did.) I was bullied to the point that I tearfully confessed to one of my teachers that I wanted it all to end. I told her I wanted to go to sleep one night and never wake up. And that is how it happens. That's how a seemingly happy person, with everything going for them can be pushed to the point of wanting their life to end. I'd like to say that it got better from there. It didn't. That teacher confronted the girls at school and they got WORSE. The bullying at church went from just my peers, to grown adults being involved as well. Thankfully it was my senior year and I was soon 500 miles away at college with an entirely new group of people.

I tell that story, because when I see people bullying it makes me so ANGRY. The thing is though, it's learned. Granted its human nature to be selfish, and not always nice. But we LEARN to bully. These GROWN WOMEN and MEN that spend their days in GOMI and the forum that was bashing Lindsay? They have children, they have nieces and nephews. There are people in their lives that look up to them. And they see EVERYTHING we do and say. Then they go to school and they do it to their peers. 

I have developed a very thick skin. You can pretty much say anything to me at this point in my life and it will roll of my back. At the end of the day I know who I am and the people that really matter know who I am. It breaks my heart though, to think that some girl or boy in the future will make Boomer feel as awful as I did the last two years of high school. It makes me angry to think that someone will hurt her like that. I know that those girls that teased me at school and church....they're starting to have kids too. I pray that they grew out of what they did. That they won't pass those lessons onto their children.

This post is long and rambling, but I say it all for one reason. If you see something on some one's blog you don't like, tell the writer of the blog. Send them an email. We open up our lives on the Internet for the world to see yes, but don't secretly write anonymous threads about it. If I write something you don't like tell me directly. OR JUST DON'T READ MY BLOG ANYMORE. It's so easy to be a mean girl. Imagine how much better it could be though if we taught our girls to be nice. To uplift. Or at the very least live by what our mother's told us many years ago: 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.'


callie ;) said...

sending hugs! kids are so mean to each other. so happy you were able to gain strength from the haters - you're a great example for boomer. :) xo.

Unknown said...

Thank you for taking the time to touch on this issue girl. You are such a wonderful Mother and a fabulous example of a strong beautiful woman for Boomer. I pray Boomer never has to through what you went through {what many of use went through growing up}. You're right people take their lives over stuff like this- it is serious. I really hope that people don't teach their children this behavior is okay, but they ARE learning it from somewhere. So sad. said...

like callie and lindsay said, it sounds like you are a great example of your daughter, so maybe there IS hope to raise a generation of folks who don't treat each other that way! i, too was teased a lot as a kid (i had the curly hair thing too) and it was to the point where other kids would just grab me by the head! thankfully i had amazing parents who stepped in and who i felt good about talking to, but that stuff sticks with you forever...but then again, its comforting to read the words of someone like you who wants to instill in their daughter that it doesnt have to be like that. its a sad post to have to have written, but you wrote it well. thanks for sharing :)

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