I wanted to write this today...and I worried whether or not I should. You know protecting the innocent, or not so innocent, and all. If I can't share 'me' on this blog though where can I right?
There was a time, not so long ago, that I could not drive past a Volvo s60 without flying into a 'Towanda' rage. (Have you guys seen Fried Green Tomatoes...no? Go watch it and then you'll understand.) That car was my ex's baby. There was money spent on a few sets of rims, and lowering the suspension, and tinting the windows.... This while we had broken furniture, all Boomer had was a crib, and I was berated for not paying bills with my student loan money. EVERY time I saw a silver Volvo I got angry. I saw red, black,....sometimes I just stopped thinking for a few minutes because I was so angry. At. A. Car. I'll let that sink in for a few minutes.
There was a time, when I avoided an entire suburb of my city. Any time I was there all I could think about was the huge betrayal I had suffered. I blamed A CITY!!! I would drive past his former place of employment and I would cry. I refused to meet friends at bars or restaurants there.
Social media was a constant minefield. I never knew when a 'friend' would pop up. That smiling face would send me into an absolute tailspin. For days I would compare myself. I would question what was wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Was this all somehow my fault?
I did everything I could. I am not perfect. I learned. I grew. I am not the same girl that said 'I do', almost 8 years ago.
I don't get mad at cars any more. I drove through that part of town yesterday just fine. I sat down with Boomer when she wanted to see my wedding pictures. I see people out and on social media and I'm fine. I'm no longer questioning myself and I no longer need to blame.
It wasn't easy, it wasn't fast, but I'm ok. I've moved on.